I was going to send him a package with all the stuff he forgot, but now I think maybe I should wait until he asks, and he might not ask. You now have to start living for yourself. I cant seem to say anything that doesnt make her angry. It was really lovely. Time to focus on yourself. Hugs and Love sent your way! He had been getting very rude to me and sometimes wonder if it was Gods way of protecting me from it and now he is treating his dad the same way. But now, on the brink of adulthood, the young man seemed to be getting worse. We should pick our battles carefully. That being said, every time hes got something new to share or is scared at Halloween or something, hell automatically come to me first. My son told me last time he want me to notice school by the end of this term. Kim, He was upset when he found out they cost money (private driving school, since he is not enrolled in the local school there are only a few weeks left, and since he was expelled from his school here theres no guarantee he could even go to another school if he was willing to, which he isnt), and said he didnt want me to sign him up since he wouldnt take charity, but since he also isnt taking any steps towards getting a job, its going to limit his options quite a bit. We did lots of things together, on weekends and on vacation, to museums and shows, circus and skating and bowling and hiking and camping and skiing and trips to the beach and in the mountains, sailing, and then later i sent him to his beloved camp, by his choice, all summer long. a letter to my teenage son who hates me. What she needs is your support and encouragement. I have been calling once a week, and mostly talking to my sister, a little to my dad (who is definitely going downhill, cognitively as well as health-wise) and then having some very strained, awkward, and obviously reluctant on his part conversation with my son. College is unavoidable these days. If you want to see any improvement in your loved ones mental well-being. Wait in the wings for when they need us vs when you think they need you. I am so angry she died and took my relationship with my son with her. I was just crying because I found out through the grapevine that my 18 year old daughter got a promotion in the Navy and never told me. Mainly because in school, youre taught a lesson and then given a test. You wouldnt yell at your friend would you? I need some help with this too, My 14 year old hates me, and i have done nothing but love her and give her everything.. she chose to live with her dad after he walked out on us 11 years ago. Hi, I am going through **** with my 18 year old daughter, who is a senior. Facing things head on with a CLEAR head. Your son is heading down the same path as he did. but all of the sudden everything changes, he is very rude and very disrespectful. Open your eyes and realize that all life is a gift, even yours. It will never happen. Be grateful. Instead of running FROM you. Time to be reborn into whatever we want. Thank you MFS for sharing, especially comments on school counsellor. We want to know that our kids will survive and thrive without us. You have to shift from being her servant to being her support system. Im rooting for you & your son! I have joined several Meet up groups and made a ton of new friends. She was stressing about everything that needed to be done when getting her own place. He probably should have a psychological evaluation as soon as possible. And show them how important mental health is to all people, even parents. I would touch base every 2-3 weeks by text. Time to sit down and have a loving heart to heart with your daughter. Thats where she should have gone. My daughters father turned up in her life (behind my back) when she was 15. Webmastro's sauteed mushroom recipe // a letter to my teenage son who hates me. Hi Julia, your Dad may be a narcissist like mine and they dont change. Another reason why i hate him is when i had some money on my and out of anger he forces me to give him all my money, and when i went to pack my bag he forced me to leave all my stuff behind. They can only think about themselves. I know there are far more difficult situations than mine. Do NOT focus on what you will be getting in return. Play board games. Please know you are not alone.this too shall pass..Take care of YOU so you can stand on that platform and be ready to catch them when the time comes. It could be because of a divorce, a death, a sibling is abusing them or they did something really bad. I tend to like the sign I have in my kitchen that reads Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken. I have found this group to be very helpful especially with my current situation with my 17-year-old son. When I wonder if I still love my daughter, I realise that if her attitude to me changed I would put everything behind me and move on. I am a lone parent and we have had a lovely relationship up until he was 15 but now I cant talk to him without him biting my head off! I read online about kids that move away and never talk to their parents again and I think that is where this is going. Hi Sandy! Your teens future is at stake. I also believe those feelings of hatred are very real and strong, but perhaps their feelings about everything in life they hate and are frustrated about, most of all themselves, is focused against us. These were vividly perceived, and unmistakeable experiences. Let it be. She used to love a cuddle, but now Im not allowed to and she even flinches when I try to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. So many of us didnt automatically appreciate the life that has been given to us. It wouldnt hurt to seek counsel yourself to help you navigate this situation. It most certainly CAN be a source of joy, but thats usually a little later in life. My hope and wish for you is that you have this awakening, apologize to all your loved ones for placing all your expectations on them. Its all up to you and how bad you want to be a better person. Always remember, they dont owe us anything. Ive asked him why hes treating me like this and he says because I dont like you. And through all this, no matter how bad things got, I never once doubted my sons love for me. Pick a doozy of a mistake (this will definitely grab their attention). I am alone also to make all decisions. We dont want to damage the relationship any further, we want to build something new and beautiful. Im here to tell you that until you learn how to love unconditionally, you will die in a state of suffering. We only get a few so make them count. You went and continue to work to give to your son, dont give UP. This is her life. Not say, I told you so. I have this tendency to shut down when I feel like I am being attacked and it is easy to feel that way with kids who are this age. For the past 2 years, ever since my life did a complete 180 and closeness turned to his hating me, Ive been afraid that this was the new reality and that hed never, ever grow out of it and get back to at least liking or even tolerating me. It is so easy to feel like a failure and hopeless. Its the traumas of life that makes teens turn to drugs and alcohol. Even you do something so small like make her a cup of coffeeor do the dishesor make her a card. Go ahead and try to kill one, they will fight with everything they have to stay alive. Go back to school (thats what I did). ???? It was very freeing! You just have to let go and find your next purpose. It kind of puts a positive spin on what I might otherwise be tempted to consider unbearable loneliness. If you could control your thoughts, wouldnt you want them to be pleasant thoughts? WebAnswer (1 of 3): Almost all teenagers go through a little bit of this phase. Get into what they are doing on their phones- join Snapchat, Instagram. Both kids distrust me. A counsellor might help?. Just listen to his plans. I hope so She hurts my feelings almost every day She was the sweetest baby, toddler, and preteen We never say no for these kind of learning expenses. We are only here for a brief time so make your life matter beyond the child you popped out or the man you married or the job you have. I am so broken heart. I am going through the same things. There throw a lot of complaints our way. I cannot cope with my teenage son. And I cant undo whatever happened in the past to contribute to this. She can be a big part of your life but now its time to find yourself again. The difference is, he lives in hope that all he has to do is turn 18 and then he can be free of me and instantly become happy (which isnt too likely, since I think if he took 2 seconds to think it over, hed realize hes got other problems which have nothing to do with me and would not be any better once he gained his freedom), whereas Icant envision ever regaining my own happiness. Since you and I are very similar in nature and have been rejected by our child, I can tell you what I did to take charge of my life. She cant understand it, and she wants her baby back. Be strong, Thank you, Annie for this insight. Theres many reasons for these downward spirals. Its ok to say youre sorry if you are, and you mean it. Its best you start now so if there are problems, you will be there to comfort them. I found 8 really good friends going through the same thing as I was. Just as we do. As a mother we have to back off when our children tell us to back off. I will say, though, that from what you wrote well, maybe Im talking to myself in hindsight, but when your kid spells out for you exactly what they want and need from you and gives you a blueprint like that, well, you follow it. If you do, it will be out of obligation. Something only becomes an issue if you make it an issue. Very little money and no idea how to budget and only the vaguest, most unrealistic ideas about how to get more. You sound like an amazing mum, and you cant be responsible for the mess thats going on in your sons head. So, I must say, it is actually helpful to read that I am not the only one. I am a 14 year old and my dad is being a jerk right now. I got help from everywhere I could and never gave up on her. Hormones go wild and they have many ups and downs as their brain is still developing. Say, I totally agree with you, but we all have to get through school and college the best we can. I guess for me its getting criticism for doing the very best possible. You will find support there and a lot of wisdom. I work on a Vineyard doing something I love! Good luck and remember, her mental wellbeing starts with us as parents. Your loved one should be eating plenty of living food (uncooked). Its hard work to work through painful issues. So, if you support him as long as he needs the support, it could last a very long time. Thanks to everyone who has posted about your experiences with your teen. Its going to be extremely hard. Im loving school! You are doing her a disservice by this constant catering. Cheers :). Hind sight is 20-20, wish I had been able to have the knowledge and insight that comes with living through the challenge of raising teens prior to being a parent. You wouldnt force your opinion on them would you? Teens dont usually mean it. Oh,gosh, I do feel for you. Then tell them you will call the insurance company to find out how much its going to cost to insure them so they can budget that in. What do I love to do? I dont really know how to carry on when what little hope I have seems to shrink every day and is now barely there at all. And, shut me out of her life so I didnt get to teach her everything I wanted to. Last week I poked up all of his clothingin Ludington stuff he does not wear oftensuits ..belts old no fault of items cloths.pyjamas..everything in his suitcases ND told him with genuine smile thato I had packed all his things for him. Give them the space to grow. I now have an empty nest, and I thought I would be so sad, but after awhile I get tired of doing for them and I never get a drop of appreciation back. I went back to work full time when she entered 5th grade when having your Mom at school was no longer cool. For example if she refuses to eat a variety of foods I think its best to let her, just have the right things available to tempt her and dont make it a big deal. One word, in particular, I am repeating to myself pretty frequently these days: Solitude. Always, always, always remember, you can try and guilt your child into spending time with you but it will always be a chore for them. After trying a couple of other products that also gave her rashes,as a last resort,i got her cloth diapers and plastic pants[aka-rubberpants] to wear at night and she wasnt overly happy about wearing them,but the rashes stopped!She wore the diapers and rubberpants all thru age 12 and 13 and about halfway into 14 when her bedwetting finially ended. I spoiled him rotten and treated him like a king. That is the biggest compliment in the world to me. I love him, but really cant stand him, im torn between putting up with him and hoping he will change to wanting to kick him out, hes nearly 17. I think the main thing you can do during this awful time is take care of yourself. If you cant accept your child for who they are, you dont deserve their love or to be part of their lives. After age 12, your child has learned all the rights from wrongs. It will certainly give hmi the opportunity to discover that you are not the cause of his problems. She saved me from so many negative experiences by having rules and expectations, but she also pushed me away by being emotional and reactive to my teen antics. Acceptance that your son now has his own life to live. Our job as humans is to live our lives, making this world a better place. And, like them, you dont have to do anything you dont want to either. #1: Solitude. If you are the root of the problem, you have to put your feelings aside. So, sometimes Im read to explode on the inside, but I smile, ask a few questions and let it go. So, I know nothing. No matter what it takes. None of us like it and a lot of parents feel guilty. But she really doesnt understand anything about life. I really havent had too many of these in years. It doesnt make any of this any easier, only much, much harder, because I do know the truth and Ive held onto it tightly. They could tell you they are attracted to the same sex. I want to see my way to even imagine a life for myself outside of being a mom, since it seems I failed at that, the only thing I ever really cared about. ..he saidya UT I did not think you would do it..or at least everything..just like that. I realized that our children dont belong to us, and their purpose is NOT to serve our needs. Everyone wants to be around someone that doesnt put expectations on them or doesnt judge them. HELP! Perhaps the strength of our love is what enables them to treat us so badly, as we are the only people who are always still there for them. Fingers crossed. 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