Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? Where in the world did you get him from? Because people are dying to get in. They include Word Play puns for adults, dirty vocab jokes or clean syllable gags for kids.. ##### Jokes Top #################################33 How do you get holy water? Seven Cs. After the plane landed, he decided to ask her the answer to her question. It's $5 if you make your own bed." "You can stay. I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party. An officer came into the room and asked "what is your name?" I have quite the head ache though." Yes, Bruce? The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. His son says "Bad." But, according to your kid, they pay attention in school! Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any phrase witze you can hear about word play. You’re too young to be smoking. You plan on seeing a performance?" *Eye* can't think of a *cornea*-r pun than this! A: Decalfeinated. clean jokes dumb jokes Fun Jokes jokes for kids Joking laugh out loud Wordplay Shop Our Halloween Collection Creepsters, our new Halloween mask and apparel line is here. Why should you not marry a tennis player? With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?" The pastor says, "That's so sad. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. Brunette: "Which part?" So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. I once had a dramatic performance on the subject of puns, but then I realized it was just a play on words. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere. The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Tell you what, go to the blackboard, and if you can write the word 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." And for more child-borne hooey, 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For. He finds nothing. But it's still on my list. "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. The blonde glanced at him with a smile on her face and handed him a $5 bill. The lawyer asks, "what was the answer to your question?" Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Did you hear what happened to the two peanuts? 100 characters remaining. Because it is two gross. Why should you never try to eat a clock? The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" I came up with a clever strategy to get my girlfriend to like my wordplay-loving family.... ....but she didn't fall for my punning clan. "Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? (Optional) Sign-up to recieve weekly newsletters for your favorite comedy clubs. He thinks about it for a while but after about 10 minutes can't find a answer so he Google's it. The delusion that one woman is different from another. They are a hilarious play on words. The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive. The bartender eagerly nods and rubs the lamp and suddenly the bar is filled with a million ducks. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? Did you hear about the swiss cheese debate? Did you hear about the new restaurant that serves curry poured on to hash browns. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny, 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For, The 50 Most Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends, The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said About Marriage, The Best Computer Desktop Backgrounds for Maximizing Your Productivity, The 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny, Here's Why You Should Talk to Your Dog Like It's a Baby, 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up. After about 10 seconds of waiting, he replies The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put £300 on the bar from his wallet, and says to the sex worker slowly. So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." What lights up a soccer stadium? What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor? So my daughter was playing hopscotch, and recited the words "*Step on a crack, and break your mother's back" That *was* the right hole. 37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. Many jokes rely on clever wordplay, which can get lost in translation! What's the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? The second spy looked at the other and said "Oh when we played Scrabble you said 'thats not a word' but NOW its a word", At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word contagious in a sentence… I put 'DOCTOR'. Because they’re dead. His son says "Stupid." A man gets the words "I Love You" tattooed on his dick. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. "What goes up a hill on 1 leg and goes down on 2?" How do you make anti-freeze? How do crazy people go through the forest? But when I got home, all the signs were there! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. the teacher said, Anyone else want to try? In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company? He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. Either way, they’re truly punderful… Warning: contains cringe-inducing wordplay. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert? I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. -"I played in the sand box" The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. Regardless, they are still tons of fun and good for the brain! The priest said, "That's so sad. Little Johnny raises his hand. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. The woman ignores him. Two brain-scientists are having an heated argument about wether or not having a brain implant that will explode when you say something stupid would benefit anyone: Did you hear about the guy who broke his left arm and leg? John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. Because it’s very time-consuming. COVID is wreaking havoc on this New York favorite. Apple Juice. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with. For more matrimonial humor, check out The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said About Marriage. And for more groaners, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes in Popular Songs. Let's have a word with him." A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. ", A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Take away her blanket. Tony (Toe-knee). You're never too old to learn ...something stupid. If not, you really should. "Because my script is a play on words! Winston Churchill, We Polked You in ’44, We Shall Pierce You in ‘52. "No it wouldn't. She sits down in the waiting area and eventually falls asleep. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' If they are already stupid, the implant would not aid them in the decision making process of wether something is stupid or not, thus not helping." Anna one, Anna two. Because everyone needs to LOL at least once daily. It said, "Wordplay Ore Bust". "It would pressure them to think before they say something, thus making the amount of stupid things they say decrease." They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The trick is not to form an emotional bond. • For what to write on greeting cards, emails and letters. He goes home to his wife, who tells him "stop trying to put words in my mouth.