The muscle spasms from the tissue expanders are bonkers. ", "Our department is about the self-confidence piece... helping you feel good about yourself when you get out of the shower and see yourself in the mirror, helping you feel more normal and happy with what you see in the mirror. I put a shirt on over my head for the first time this morning. I'm a warrior I can see the tumor (that's what everyone calls it now, it isn't a lump anymore.) I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you But I will never show
The doctor takes out pieces with a tumor cutting contraption.
xo. More grateful than I was before. It has a very large neck hole. I need to take back the light inside you stole I am terrified. She can wear pink ribbons pinned behind her ears. I am frightened and sad about it. It's both. I'm getting things ready, whatever that means. I'm stronger than I've ever been I started physical therapy and now I know why people hate it and how much it helps.
I still could change my mind but I doubt that I will. I have been trying to pretend that I don't care that I'm going to lose my hair because vanity, but actually I do care kind of a lot. Lately, a lot of the feelings are about love and human kindness, about how stunning and bright it can be to be a person in the world. I'm learning how to let them and trying to be graceful but it's awkward. It’s a “pretty pocket.” I mean, obviously. I won't be getting one, most likely. Don't think about it too much or you will start to cry and it will be hard to stop. That Satanic Cross will be the best part of the morning. And you can't fill the hole inside of you That lady up there is on drugs but her reasonable excuse is that her boobs got chopped off a week before that picture was taken. It's been sunny, quite unusual. With money, girls, and cars It just made you mad This is an enormous relief. I'm not special. The plan is bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Who knew, but there is but one singular store for people like you. I feel small and vulnerable.
I've got thicker skin Surgery is over.
She will stay longer. What do they know about loss and grief? He draws an "X" on the breast in question. Gonna jot it down and then get it out After surgery, I’ll have drains hanging out next to where my breasts used to be. 4. Why that is a curious analogy, you might say to yourself, couldn't they think of another way to explain the process? Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I am thinking a lot about how can it be that I had cancer in my body and I have no idea how long it was there and how when you have this cancer you are ill but feel totally normal and fine and what if I hadn't found the lump. The way life actually unfolds is more nuanced, of course.
I'm a warrior Bonkers in a bad way.
So ashamed, so confused,
I gotta get it off my chest Got no anger, got no malice. I tried to help you, it just made you mad I was hoping for April 1st, April Fool's Day, because it seemed appropriate somehow. Some of it feels profound but it could just be all those cannabis gummies I'm eating. I drank wine and smoked weed and went places that have germs. He refers to himself as a "Feel-Good Guy. Other than the day of the "fills", and other rare exceptions, I'm off pharmy painkillers. I feel so sad (I feel so sad) How much goodness there is. Last.fm Music | Copyright © 2020 CBS Interactive Inc. / All rights reserved.
He explains that I won't have a lot of control about cancer treatment, but I can control my plastic breasts. This is the latest one. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 'Cause you're not half the man you think that you are Nothing left that you can say And there are lots of good moments-- genuine quality slow time with the people I love, walking outdoors, being nourished and fed by friends (I'm over feeling awkward about the Meal Train). I'm lying on my back and my breasts are hanging out. I listen to the whole menu. The answer is no. A little kid with DD boobs.
The plan is bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. I'm relieved it's over. So ashamed, so confused, I'm not broken and bruised, Cause now I'm a warrior When you stop leaking too much you can get the drains yanked out. The last week has been a crash course in pain management. That’s right, you milk your fucking drains. Yeah, gotta get it off my chest like Nigga just been thinking Yeah, uh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah Gotta get it off my chest, Gotta get it off my chest like Yeah, when I say shit I just want people to feel me You feel me? PS it hasn't stopped hurting. But nobody gets chemo on a Sunday so the 2nd it is. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I'm scared but oh well. About who you are (About who you are) At the end of the tubes there are rubber receptacles where blood and lymphatic fluid collects. It feels like my chest is getting branded or devoured by fire ants. I don't ever want the scars to go away, but they won't, don't worry. How many breasts a day cross their cold metal desk?
Further pathology is still being tested so I'm still not sure what the rest of my treatment plan looks like.
He tells me he is calling to go over the "Menu of options." Oh yeah. Back at home you stand in the middle of the room while your mom wraps the Ace bandage back around your torso. "Got any questions for me?" While I am asleep on an operating table, my breast(s) will be carted away from me, sent to pathology. Got no anger, got no malice, Know nobody else will tell you But for now, it's still an unwelcome assault and it hurts. Ha. I'll keep getting fills until I can't stand it anymore or until my skin won't stretch anymore, whatever comes first. Pain is exhausting and the drugs make me dumb. I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you I go for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound to check the lump I found in my right breast on New Year's Day. At least you are still alive. Anything but the Ace bandage. It's very dark and seems to be taking up the whole screen. It will grow back, unlike nipples, but it might come in gray and it might not look anything like it does now. When she touches my shoulder, she will let the whole weight of her hand settle there a few beats. I rub scar serum along the lines of the scars three times a day, and the scars seem very long. The doctor will be softer. I am a beginner.
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